This post is the first in our ongoing series “Dad Tales.”  Stories, triumphs, tantrums, tips, and real life experiences from dad’s point of view.  Today’s guest author is Andrew, father to a three year old.

The Most Magical Sound In The World –

My little boy was colicky. Oh man was he colicky…for nearly 2 years! I’m certain it wasn’t colic the entire time, but it sure felt like it. For those of you with colicky babies, you know what I’m talking about. Crying fits so long (hours!) and horrific (humans can make that sound?) that Stephen King couldn’t imagine a scenario more terrifying. And they’re regular…and without reason. So regular you can almost look at a clock and know that you’ll be entering into your own personal daily/nightly/afternoonly horror film. But we found a solution you may not know about. I say “solution” because there’s no way to prevent colic, at least not yet (and if you’ve found the cure, then you’re a douche for holding back!). First, a back-story:

Two years before my little boy was born, a cousin had her first baby (a boy). At a Christmas gathering a year after the birth, she told me that her little guy had colic. Then she described it. I had no idea what she was talking about since it was the first time I’d ever heard the term, and had trouble grasping the predicament she endured. Being a dude, I nodded in understanding. Then she brought up the hair dryer. My ears perked up a bit because what she told me seemed too far-fetched to actually work. My cousin told me that she tried in vain to calm her colicky little guy via the “Happiest Baby On The Block” shhh-ing method (“Happiest Baby On The Wha??”). She swaddled him (what’s that?), cradle/bounced him (huh?), and shhhh-ed him over and over again without success. Then one day, she got so fed up with the shhh-ing that she decided to let modern technology do the work. So she flipped on her hair dryer in the bathroom for white noise while she stood in the hallway. SUCCESS!!!

Two years later my son was born with what can only be described as an 8 pound T-Rex in booties at 7 PM each and every night. Eventually remembering the conversation with my cousin, we tied the hair dryer cord around the bathroom door, flipped it on, and stood many feet away. Immediate results! It’s as if there’s a switch in his internal breaker box that blows a fuse every night at 7 PM, and only the sound of white noise can reset it, allowing him to relax and calm down. Ultimately, we ended up buying a BOSE for an iPod that runs white noise on a loop all night long in his bedroom. You might think we’re crazy for doing that, but let me ask you this: Do babies understand why they’re crying without reason? If you knew a way for your baby to relax and be calm so he can rest, would you deny him that method? Three years later, the white noise is still working. Yes there were other sleepy-time hiccups and random crying fits in the middle of the night – he was a baby, not a robot. But those are issues for another post.

Thank you GE…you’ve created a miracle device for drying hair and quieting colicky babies. And thank you BOSE and Apple for allowing my wife and me to do dishes, vacuum, laundry, and sexy-time once we’ve put our little dude to bed.

P.S. I’m convinced the white noise has actually helped his hearing. The other day he was in another room when I “accidentally” allowed pressure from my innards to be released. Next thing I hear is him laughingly tattle on me, “Daddy tooted!”

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